I really am terrlble these days about keeping up this blog.

Some of it is that, now that things are mostly settled with me, I don't feel the need to write here to understand and share my emotions, but I have also been caught up in reading and writing and doing things I never get to do during the semester.

But I found myself thinking about intimacy last night. I'm fairly certain at this point that I will never marry, never have a significant romantic relationship. I'm okay with that. But I like the idea of having someone to sleep beside at night, to curl up with in the cold weather, to eat dinner with, to cook for, to cuddle with watching bad sci fi. That idea sounds so tantalizing that it sometimes hurts. I've never met anyone IRL that I could stand to be with that much, but there are moments when I worry I'll settle for someone I don't really care for just to have someone who cares for me.

I dunno. Maybe I'm just thinking all this because it's below freezing outside and snowing, so I'm curled up in a blanet drinking tea and kind of wanting someone to curl up and drink tea with. Most of the time it doesn't bother me, being alone, but sometimes....


In other news, classes start up next week. I won't have anywhere near the insane schedule I had as an undergrad, but I anticipate being conned into a great many things. I know I have an assistantship to make up for my job (did I mention they "decided to make my position just for undergrads", ie, "congrats on graduating, you're fired"?), but no one's bothered to tell me what I'll be doing yet. I'm not surprised by that.

I suppose I should start thinking about thesis topics. I'm thinking about using dynamic programing to solve one of the unsolved problems in graph theory. Should be fun. And hair pulling.
I am in the same boat you are. I don't really have any interest in dating - maybe it would be different if I had somebody who wanted what I want: to just stay home in PJ's and get online (that would be the best date ever) - but I can't find anyone like that. I'm so awkward in real life too, that I rarely hug friends unless they reach out first.

But I also don't want to spend the rest of my life alone.

We should totally just live together. I know we talk about what'll happen if you publish and get rich, but honestly living with you sounds really nice. If you wanted space you could just tell me, and I would totally watch bad sci-fi with you. I'd also keep working, try to pay for half of stuff so I wouldn't just be mooching off of you. It'd be cool!
God, that would be the best date ever.

Living together does sound great. Hopefully I'll publish and get rich, but if not I'll be finished with my master's soon enough and can find a job anywhere. Hopefully somewhere close to you. But if I do end up rich, I demand you mooch of me. I'll write it into a contract and everything.

One day bb. One day.
I don't want you to ever resent me for not contributing! I could work a couple days a week and use it to buy food?

Yesss, one day.
That would work. But I'd still end up buying you a Jaguar and like 50 dogs, so.... yeah.

As if I could ever resent you bb. ILY far too much to do anything but love you forever. Like, it would be physically impossible.

And I'm exceptionally awkward in person too. Never forget that I've spent 5 semesters with some of my classmates, in 2 or 3 or 4 classes a semester with some, and still don't know the majority or their names. I probably couldn't pick out half from a lineup.
LOL Well I wouldn't say no to either of those things.

As if I could ever resent you bb. ILY far too much to do anything but love you forever. Like, it would be physically impossible.
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ Thanks, bb. I can't help but worry - your friendship means a lot to me.

...that is a good point. We can be two awkward peas in a pod together.

We'd be the two awkwardest peas on earth. I am thinking Montana, two stories, with a big wraparound porch and nothing manmade in sight for miles. Wyoming may also work.
Also, because yesterday was national bubble bath day, huge clawfoot bathtubs. The kind that can fit three and you can stretch out and drown if you want. The kind you only see in movies.

And at least one fireplace. (Yes, I'm going crazy with details.)
Honestly, no. I knew some people who had them in Japan but haven't really thought of them since. I usually just have a thousand blanket capes et al. But it is something to consider...
I saw a post on tumblr about one, and thought it sounded heavenly for winters. Though what you'd do with it in winter...
Hmm.... Well, it's definitely worth considering. Right now I just want a huge bed and lots of blankets.

It's a new year and I hope it will be a better year for you.

Your right, it is cold (very very cold) but we don't have snow here yet and hoping we won't see any at least until February or not? LOL

Keep warm.
I found you from 8tracks
Is there some place I can see the track listings for Ancient!John 'verse?

I'd like these somewhere else besides 8 tracks, cause if you accidentally navigate away, they're gone for that day