It's the final countdown...

I'm feeling oddly nostalgic this week.

Don't ask me why. I do generally get like this (this being existential crisis, contemplate my life) in early december, but it could also be that graduation is coming up. Finally.

Anyway, I was on tumblr and saw this quote, "Sometimes the bad things that happen in our lives put us directly on the path to the best things that will ever happen to us." and, of course, it made me think. Because, frak, my life as been a mess. Not that anything particularly bad happened, but nothing went to plan at all, and every time something good started to happen, the rug was pulled out from under me.

I hate those people who say that the bad things that happen to us made us who we are. I mean, yes, of course they do, but how is that supposed to be consolation? They say that it's to test us, but why do we need to be tested in the first place? Sure, it's something to know how much I can go through without greaking, but I only know it because I came so close to breaking that there aren't even words.

I'm supposed to be happy. I finished one exam today (and it was easy) and my next one is tomorrow and I don't really have much to worry about besides getting my genetic algorithim done after that, but... How can I be happy knowing what's happened in the past? Even if I graduate, even if everything goes according to plan now, sometime in the future...

It's riddiculous to worry about that. I cannot control anything but myself. But the longer things to well, the more I worry about when it's all going to come crashing down. At least the story I'm working on allows me to purge some of these emotions. Even if getting time to write this week has been hard. Stupid exams. Stupid school. Stupid RL.