Sorry for going AWOL again guys. The cripling depression I told you about earlier has come back with an vengece.

It's gotten to the point where it's interfering with every part of my life. I'm so behind on school that it's not even funny but I can't bring myself to care anymore, and it's just... I dunno. I really don't care about anything anymore. I had a checkup and the doctor practically walked me downstairs to get an appointment with one of the thearapists. But the whole system is overwhelmed, so who knows when I'll be able to actually see someone. I can't even see a pyschogist until the end of the month. Untill then the tenative diagnois is "crippling depression," with a not insignificant chance of biploar.

I don't know why I'm even writing this, but one of the assigments for school is actually to cyperstalk one of our classmates and see what we can find out. Considering this is linked to my fb and all my online presence is linked back to this account.... well, I hope whoever it is likes fanfiction. Considering that the rest of my class is all guys with really questionable standards of morality, we'll see.

In other news, the original story I've been working on is slowly crawling forward. It took me a while to decide on the exact format I wanted, but chapter two is nearly done, and hopefully I'll have something significant before long. Also, my evil boss is gone - she's been replaced by a nice geek who actually knows how to hyperlink and gets my humour. They want me to start planning for the 2016 summit, which makes sense except for the fact it doesn't/cant go on the website until February and none of it has been planned yet.

Sigh. Well, that's me. If you need me, I'll be here, if not I'll probably drift away into obscruity for a while again.

I hope you'll get that chance to see a therapist soon. Until then, just hang in there, and remember that you are not alone, even when it feels like it. We're all here for you.

I don't even have a decent reason for being down. I just feel... Atlas-like, for no good reason. Tired and weighed down and like I want to sleep forever and ever.
Sometimes you just can't pin down a reason, it could be a multitude of things that on their own don't seem that much, but together they amount to more than you would think. And there is no such thing as a 'decent' reason for feeling down, we all have different tolerances for things, and you shouldn't feel like you have to justify feeling down.

If you can find the time, take a breather and rest, even if it's just for a day. If you're feeling that tired, be it physically or mentally or both, it must be for a reason.
I've been essentially doing nothing most days. It's unproductive and occasionally relaxing but doesn't really help.

I've an appt scheduled for Monday at least.
What a stupid and horrible class assignment--the cyberstalking thing. I'm sure the teacher is making a point--that none of us are as safe online as we thing we are, but the potential for serious harm here to a student is unbelievable.

I'm sorry you're struggling so. I hope that you can get the help you need somehow.

Good for you for get *any* creative writing done when you're in such a dark place--I know how hard it is for creativity to grow in that environment.

Make an effort to get the schoolwork done, however. It is your ticket out of your current situation. If that's not looking possible, go talk to your teachers and see what can be done to grant you extensions. You've worked too hard to lose so much ground at this point. At the very least, your professors need to know what's going on and why you are so behind.
Well, I say cyberstalking. It's mostly finding out everything you can about a person online. Oddly enough, the whole class (and my mother, when I told her about it) is really excited about the project. But we're an odd group.

It's taken me a long time to even manage a few pages, but writing always helps me.

IDK why I'm so down. Nothing is really wrong. I'm just so exhausted and so really for it all to be over. I've been trying... but getting myself out of bed and to campus is as big of a victory I can manage most days.