General Ranting

There are times when I honestly don't know why anybody reads what I write.

I'm not saying this to solicit reviews (though those are always nice), it's because half the time I write something and I think it's absolutely ridiculous trash that should be hidden in the dark.

And then I go and read other peoples' fic and I got to say, one of the good things about AO3 is that it allows you to find truly bad fic very fast, which is always good when you're in a hurry to make yourself feel better about yourself. I won't name names, but, god, there are some things that are so poorly edited, and plotted, and bear almost no relation to the characters for the fandom in which it's nominally written in.

But whatever. Back to my own stuff. Because I feel like talking about me. Which is to say, that 90% of the time I'm certain my stories suck, and I really have no idea why I'm almost at the end of S3 of a series that I'm fairly certain only 10 people actively read, or why I spill so much time and effort and backstory into it for so little return. And then you get my mom saying that she's reasonably certain I could write better books than the things she gets from the library in my sleep, but I'm fairly certain she only says that when a) she thinks I'm wasting my potential writing fan fiction or b) I look particularly depressed. And then it's like, I got home from work last night and went into my room to change, and when I tried to go inside for dinner (as it was one of the rare nights dad was cooking food at a time I was home) I heard them fighting and I'm pretty sure it was about me and...

God. I mean, my life really has turned around this last week. Except for the fact where my physics homework is incomprehensible beyond problem 5 and my Java program won't open on my computer and is due tomorrow. And I think half of this is that, but I swear up and down half of my Skype conversations with popkin16 are about how much I hate my own writing and her trying to convince me it's not complete and utter shit.

IDK. I think it's my own fault. I am a world builder, so I spend exorbitant amounts of time building worlds for my stories. Sometimes this leads to things like my diatribe on spaceships being written, other times it leads to really random things being written in my notebooks, (i.e., the last line of S3 has been written in last year's Java notebook for about three months now), or soundtracks being created that maybe only three people listen to, and... yeah.

I do a lot of this stuff for me. But I really would like the return on investment. I've made some wonderful friends - particularly in the first year AJ was being written - but sometimes it feels like I've lost that momentum. And now my writing is just flapping in the wind, and...

I really don't know. Mostly, I'm not even sure if everything I've written for the second half of "Coniunx" is even a coherent narrative anymore. I just can't tell, or if I'm taking the characters too far from canon, or what the hell is going on anymore. I'm frustrated. It will pass. But for now...
as cliche as it is, this too will pass, tomorrow is a new day etc...
i have a quote supposedly confucious that helps me
"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall."

keep getting up, keep going forward and don't worry too much about the physics- the fact you made it to #5 means you're better at it than many people!
:D Thanks bb.

It's just frustrating, since I have to keep on top of my homework or risk sinking beneath it all. I have a study group for my scholarship tonight, so I may see if anyone there has anything to help me. If i can get my Java working.

I enjoy your writing, I just love Ancient John and the world you've created. The background is fascinating too, it's really interesting to see how you picture your universe.

Things may look different on another day :)
Quite possibly. It's just not been my day today. Which is sad, because it's the last mostly free day I'm likely to have in a while.

I'm glad you enjoy though. It's always nice to hear from readers.
Do l need to Gibbslap you?

I have read some truly awful works on AO3 and Wraithbait and believe me and your writing is good and well researched proof read and grammatically correct.

Dont doubt yourself your work is good
You may need to. There are times when I honestly do hate my writing. Honestly. Particularly when I read wonderful things by rageprofrock or earlgreytea68 or cooperbadge. Things that make me doubt my own ability terribly.

still, i'm glad there are people out there who enjoy my work. It gives me much happiness and many feels.
I look forward to your every update. I know that you work hard on your fics, that the number of people commenting on it is thin. Part of that is why I talk about how small the fandom has gotten - because I know if you wrote in other, more active fandoms, you'd be shown more appreciation. And it makes me sad, because I feel like people are going to stop writing for that very reason (not saying that you will, but that some people might, and it's an understandable thing).

But I will appreciate your fics for as long as you write and post them, and I try to leave quality comments on them.

Because you're awesome and deserve them.

'Tis very true. Compared to the comments I got on my Twilight hate-fix, I get fewer comments on average here. But I get such lovely ones when I do. Such well thought out, thoughtful comments. Which is just as lovely, even if the numbers make me sad sometimes.

Maybe I should switch to the Marvel fandom....

But no. I enjoy writing this series. It has become such a major part of my life and I've made such good friends during it. It's just... feedback is always nice. I just want everyone to enjoy SGA and enjoy it with me. Is that too much to ask?
I'm so sorry that I still haven't gotten round to reading your undoubtedly wonderful 'verse. Knowing how much thought and effort you put into it, how can it be anything else!

And I really want you to know, that comparing yourself to others will not help, and it's pointless. You will never be them simply because you are you, and everything you do is precious because of that alone. Knowing you, I could never imagine your work being poorly written or plotted.

One thing my bf once told me, when I started writing and I kept having those doubts too. There will always be someone who is better than you. Someone who has done it longer, who works at it even harder, etc. You can learn from people you think are better, but to feel sad and depresses because such people exist will only lead you to continuously feeling bad, and you have no reason to. We are all unique, and what we create cannot be done by anyone else. And if what you have written changes even one life for the better, even if you never hear about it, it has been worth writing.

I'm certain your stories have affected more than one person, and so have you as a person. That is a wonderful thing to keep in mind :) *hugs*
Please read it. We're up to "Sunday" right now. I look forward to see how people react to it.

But thanks by. Sometimes it really hard is to take a step back from your own work. Sometimes you just get stuck in a mindset and you can't break it. Just ranting about how bad your stuff is sometimes is enough to remind you that it's not that bad, certainly.

I'm so amazed you have so much faith in my writing when you've not even read the series. For all you know, I could be the worst writer ever. But still, thanks by. It means more threat you can know.