SEPS (Day 8)

Its been a shitty day.

I had to go to medical today (ie, the head shrink), where they basically read off a list of reasons why they don't want me in the navy. It was long. They dragged up every bad thing that's ever happened to me (all 5+ years old at this point) and made it seem like I was still in that bad headspace - made me FEEL like I was still in that bad headspace. Add that to the fact they tossed our racks for contraband today (which took forever) and I've had a killer headache and it's just been the worst. Particularly the part where I called home and dad told me that if I don't at least try to fight it, I can't come home. It was awful. I honestly don't know why I bother calling home at all. it only ends in pain.

anyway, as bad as all this is, I've decided to fight to at least get a code that enables me to renlist. that might push my departure back another week, it might not. we'll have to see. either way, I should still be out before the end of march, as I don't see this as fight-able.

Or maybe not. IDK. I keep changing my mind about it. we'll have to see how I feel about it when I finally get to legal.

Hugs and kisses to all.
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I've been there with the bad shit (depression and anxiety big time) and I can't imagine how fucked I'd feel if someone did that to me, took me back to those worst days. That's awful, particularly sending the message that they don't think you've grown as a person in over five years. I'm sorry, sweetie.

::sends hugs and kitty purrs from the snooty cats::

I guess maybe your dad's got some crazy idea that if you don't fight this you'll give up looking for a job/trying to move on with life/whatever? That doesn't fit with what I know of you, but parents get these crazy ideas and latch onto them sometimes...
my parents think i'm a hermit with no life already who gave up on life a long time ago. it's awful. it's not like i WANTED to be unemployed for so long....

but never mind. they're both just insane and worried that I've "given up" and "want to be a failure." Le sigh.

It's so loud here. I just want to go home. I'm bored to tears, can only write on paper, and am treated like a patient in a psych ward. by everyone. there is scarely any maturity at all in the 70 girls here with me. they don't know when to be quiet or when to show military bearing and they don't remember that we're still sailors until we get on the plane home.

i want to go home. mom and dad don't understand. I'd stay if I could, but I can't, so... I've given up the ghost.
That's the healthiest attitude; there's nothing to be gained by vainly hanging on to the hope you can stay when you know you can't. Absolutely. Yeah, my parents are not quite as bad as that, but I'm seeing the same signs. At least as long as I make a visible effort to keep looking for a job (which I do) and do something constructive with my time (which I've found a volunteer position) they mostly leave me alone, but. Sometimes they drive me crazy.

Yes, that's exactly what I can't stand about girls; this propensity to act childish and all. It's terrible that they're all treating you that way; I'm really sorry to hear that. I wish I could tell you the job market's better here in The City, but it isn't really. At least, not if you're looking for something other than scammy marketing jobs. Plenty of those going 'round.
:( I'll support you no matter what you choose, bb. It can't be easy, being in your position. *HUG*
{{{Hugs}}} Do you have a councillor, lawyer, advocate or anyone really who can advise you on your rights or fight your corner? Because it seems like you're all alone in this and that has to be hard. Fingers crossed legal goes better than medical did.
I agree with popkin16 my support is here for you. I cant say you should do this or do that all I can suggest is go with what you feel whats in your heart what you want.
Its would be really cool if you could stay in the service but at the end of the day its yourself you have to be honest with and your choice.

Luv and Hugs to you
thanks bb!! (squishes to bossom). I think I've come to a path that works for me. more on that later