untitled drabble #63

Title: untitled drabble #63
Rating: R(ish)
Characters: Ancient!John/Rodney
Warnings: anytime post-"Angelus" in the Ancient!John 'verse
Summary: A lazy morning
Notes: I wanted a last drabble before I left - I leave tomorrow morning, but I'll post what I have of the next bit of "Angelus" tonight, so I'll fill in the details there. Anyway, a nice, kinda sweet, kinda ominous one before I go.

An Ancient!John Drabble

"let me be empty / and weightless and maybe / I'll find some peace tonight / in the arms of the angel."

Sarah Mclachlan "Angel"

He knows that something is wrong.

It's easy to pretend that nothing's wrong. That nothing's changed. That he's still the same man he was before he Ascended.

But he's not. How could he be? He is a hurricane disguised as a man. His flesh is a façade, formed of light and just a fragile. If ever that flesh were to fall away and even a sliver of the power contained in him were to escape-

-well, there's no imagining the consequences. Elizabeta has already paid them.

He'd told her it would be a bad idea to trust him.

But it's easy to pretend. The knowledge, the information, the understanding – it's all beyond mortal understanding. So long as he pretends to be mortal, it's beyond his understanding as well.

And he can pretend.

It's easiest in moments like these, on their rare lazy mornings when they're allowed to sleep until the sunlight starts to filter into their bedroom, as soft and sleepy as they are. When Rodney's drifting on the edge of wakefulness and Iohannes is in a trance-like state from meditating that vaguely resembles sleep. When he can burrow into Rodney's side, head pillowed on his chest or buried in his neck, and pretend that he really is mortal, that he's really just waking from a dream of doing just this; that they really can do this for the rest of their lives and have it mean something.

It's so easy to forget the truth in moments like these, when he wakes Rodney with soft kisses on whatever expanse of bare skin he can reach without moving too far. When he can lazily kiss and touch and explore until Rodney wakes enough to whisper, "Morning," before meeting his mouth with his own and turning Iohannes' sleepy kisses into ones of languid intent. When nothing else matters but lips and hands and desire, and the fate of the universe isn't in balance.

That's not why he does it, of course. Iohannes loves Rodney. He wants to be with him for the rest of the Terran's life, however long he can make it, and genuinely fears what he'll do the day Rodney actually dies. He wants to make a life with him – a family even, if it were somehow possible. But even he has to admit it's a nice side effect.

He never quite manges to forget, though. Not completely. Not one hundred percent. And even during these quiet, stolen moments, Iohannes can't help but remember something is wrong with him. Something has changed. He doesn't know exactly what, but it's true. He just hopes to all the Descendants' false gods that nobody – especially Rodney – ever sees it.

Wonderful snippet, I love these moments when Iohannes can find peace and comfort in Rodney's arms.
Ouch. I mean, it's a sweet sentiment, but ouch. Iohannes is right; he can't possibly be the same person he was before, no matter how much he really wants to be.

Like I said, I'm gonna post what I have of "Angelus" so far tonight, and then after early tomorrow morning, I'm no-internet until May. So it may take a while
Good luck with your basic training and all...did it turn out okay with your recruiter wanting to see you?
yeah, it was just some paperwork she forgot to have me sign. no big deal, despite all the stress.

le sigh. hopefully basic will go well. I'm optimistic. thanks for the good will wishes!
I love how the heaviness of the subject is contrasted with the sweetness of the ending scene - sleepy boys, curled up together in bed, kissing going from sleepy to full of intent. Poor John, though. I don't know if he's right or if it's all in his head, but either way - it makes me worry for him.
oh, it's not all in his head. he has changed. subtly, but it's there. just enough for him to notice.
and you know me, I can't do fluff without writing something to counteract it. I thought it worked well here.
I'm betting it's your desperate need rather than anything else :P You are, after all, quite evil.
True, true - I bring this on myself. If only you didn't write such fascinating things...
Charisma? Promise us cookies? The way you're doing is the most effective way, really.
A happy ending is what keeps me from rolling on the floor after reading some of your cliffhangers.

Don't sell yourself short :P

I'm not saying I'm ugly or hate my appearance, just that I'm not traditionally pretty. I'm happy with who I am /what I look like. I'm just more sapiensexual.

And there will be a happy ending, for all my evil cliffies. Maybe more "grey havens" than anything else, Bt still happy.
It's good that you're happy with yourself :D That's a rare thing these days.

:D I'm very interested to read the ending, though I know we have a long way to go. I'm looking forward to the journey too :)

I have to go now, bb. You won't be online tonight, so I'll talk to you when you get back. I'll miss you, and be as safe as you can~ Good luck!


But yeah, it's still a long way to go - I've a head!S6 and everything to take into account and everything. Until then.....

XOXOXO. <3 <3 <3

Wow, you're even going to do a hypothetical season six? That's so cool! You've got a lot of work cut out for you though, wow. And I thought some of my ideas were ambitious!

S6 - just enough to wrap up the storylines properly, - and probably a fewest around 2020 before the ultimate end.