Oh, Dad...

Because the's are the kind of emails I get from my father: 

Hi - Just an update. 

[our original, 5yr old female cat] has killed yet another mouse. Not to be outdone by Zazzy [our new 5mo old male kitten], who in his first four days here at L----'s Lookout killed and disemboweled a vicious mouse in your mothers Mom Cave, Prancer killed a mouse that was threatening my log splitter. But since she is a lady she only killed it, she did not tear it to shreds. FYI the mouse went to Valhalla shortly there after because I had the burn barrel going anyway. It was a touching ceremony and both Prancer and I were moved to tears. Be prepared to have your heart melt when you meet Zazzy, the worlds cutest cat. Today everyone in the vets office came in the exam room to play with him he is that cute.
Yes, this is the exact wording of his email. And, yes, I get emails like this all the time - as well as ones with questionnaires for me to fill out for his English class or to beta his essays.

He sounds a little like my college roommate's dad. Does he write fiction, by any chance?
god no. He can barely write, though his English teacher seems to think him the second coming or something. Mom and I keep trying to get him to write his memoirs, but he won't do it.
Heh, I only wondered because my friend's dad would write short stories of the nautical fiction persuasion, and he is definitely the type to write that sort of email. My parents don't really write me emails, let alone amusing ones.
dad's emails are... well, IDK if he intends them to be amusing or has just gone off the deep end. some are amusing, most are annoying, and a great many involve the exploits of our cats or his own attempts to capture the racoons that "treaten" their home