SGA_ancient!nap

Worry

Sometimes I honestly don't understand myself.


Like again, today was mostly a good day. My 8am cancelled, but I got a fair amount done anyway and answered phones and the line and got to go home an hour early because I worked through lunch. And the ticket queue (ie, customer problems we need to solve) was crazy, but it's techinally not my job to deal with it. I upgrade things. And occasionally answer phones. Just taking the few support tickets I have in the past week or so is well beyond my job description.

I feel a little guilty for leaving still with the queue as long as it was, but honestly I would have just sat there for another hour answering phones, and they have people to do just that. But that's not what is making me crazy tonight.

What's making me crazy is I don't the frak even know. I came home, I watched some Criminal Minds (I'm thinking of ranking it too), and generally relaxed. But instead of relaxing my head has just gone into a loop of mindless worry which I can't even put a name too because it is worry and head in a vice and I have no fraking idea what I'm worrying about. The worry is just there, nameless and pointless and it's like frak my life.

I did manage to get the doctor's appointment for next month, and I felt no where near as sick today as I have over the past few days, but it's weird. Maybe my subconcious is rebelling against my decision to take a year off from school and work, even though I'm quite happy my choice. Maybe its the lingering feeling I've been having on and off for years now that I want someone here that I can share my life with, someone to cuddle with and watch TV with and just sleep beside. Maybe its a weird message from my biological clock telling me I'm running out of time... Though that's not really even true at all.

I am happy 90% of the time. Logically, I know that anything I get or do to become happy will always be a stopgap, because happiness is not a destination but a journey, but still.

I had a dream last night where I was rushing to catch a plane but couldn't find my passport anywhere. Maybe that's a sign my unconcious is starting to feel stifled. Or something. IDK. All I know is that ranting about it sometimes helps a little. So here I rant.
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Is it the kind of thing where you can't focus on stuff either? When I start to feel anxious and/or worried, I try to disappear into a tv show or fic.
I tried that, but I couldn't even concentrate on the show. And it made no sense, because there was no reason at all for it.

sigh.
"I had a dream last night where I was rushing to catch a plane but couldn't find my passport anywhere. Maybe that's a sign my unconcious is starting to feel stifled. Or something. IDK"

It could just mean you need a good vacation hon..."HUGS"
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