BBT_busybee

Photographs

I find myself treasuring images far more than I used to.

It's strange. For a long period of time - maybe from high school until fairly recently - I didn't care much for photographs. I went through a breif photography phase my senior year, but I rarely featured in any of those. I'm not sure how many of me actually exist from the last ten, fifteen years.

Now it's strange. I want to remember, or at least remind myself about the good things in life. My parents' cats, my graduation, my brother's graduation, et cetera et cetera. I'm not sure why. It could just be that I'm getting older. I'm reaching the tail end of my twenties and it's hard to deny that, yes, I am an adult now. Some days I can even operate like one, though those are few and far between. But I doubt that's the reason. I've been middle aged since I was born, and though I look like I'm about five years younger than I am, I've also been told by the same people that I'm very mature for any age. Though my competition at school doesn't make that hard.

I'm graduating next week. That's strange too, that that day is coming after so many false starts and empty promises. It's been a long time coming and I can't say I'm not glad for it to finally be over. This semester has been hell in a handbasket and even if I'm starting grad school in the spring, it cannot be as bad as this semester was. In an odd way, I'm still worried I'm going to fail. My capstone project is finished and turned in, but it's geniunely hideous and I'm embaressed to even put my name on it. And I still have my Systems exam to take, and god help me Buffer Overflow is more difficult than hacker movies make it seem. I can still fail. I probably won't. But the knowledge is still there. After all, I was laid off from my first job five days before I was supposed to move into what would have been my first apartment. There's still time for the shoe to drop.

But god. I'm so ready to be done. Even with grad school following immediately after. I honestly don't know what I'll do if I have to repeat something. Go mad, probably.

Speaking of which, I've gotten myself mostly sorted out now. I have a diagonsis - moderate to severe dysthymia, also known as persistant depressive disorder or neurotic depresion - and it's treatable. In fact, the treatment I'm on now is doing an amazing job, and I'm no longer sleeping half the day and I'm actually laughing again. Granted, most of what I've been laughing at lately is Hannibal (a cause of laugh instead of scream, I think). I sang along to the car radio yesterday. I can't remember the last time I did that. There's been some headaches and nausea and a couple really bad days still when all I wanted to do was cry, but I'm getting better. It still surprises me.

What else? Oh, mom gave me money for a graduation present so I can go to Boston for a few days. It's part of my "research" for the original story I'm working on - because if you were going to have a headquarters for american magic, it would be boston, right? Though never fear, it won't just be western/celtic/norse/greek magic at play. There will be "Voodoo Queens" in the south and "new age crystal gazers" in the west, along with werewolves and vampires and other creatures in other parts of the world. I have maps and everything. I'm really excited about this story and am pouring a lot of myself into the main character (because why the frak not?) and with luck I'll finish it one day.

But yea, Boston. It'll be an insane drive, but it's cheaper than the train with my gas mileage and the price of gas now. I've been known to get over 300 on strictly highway driving. Though I should probably have my oil changed before then... hmmm...

Also, I've sent out christmas cards, so those of you who asked for one should be getting yours soon, baring postal strikes and whatnot. I'm off to read now then study some more for my Algorithims exam tomorrow.
  • 2 comments
I was rarely in pictures because I was always behind the camera taking them. I have many that I took over the years and still take

I'm glad you finally know what's going on with you hon. Always good to know so you can do something about it. Now you can worry less I hope.

Have fun in Boston, one of my favorite places to visit myself.

"HUGS"
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