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Friday

So I've had a really bad couple of days.

I mostly want to blame my nutritionist for this, because she's playing more physiologist than anything and has determined, mostly rightly, that most of my food issues stem back to my father. And, in trying to deal with them, it dregs up emotions that aren't so easily bottled. Or expressed.

But anyway, it's been a crappy few days. I've felt all discombobulated and out of sorts and been unable to really concentrate on anything. I ended up going to my project meeting an hour early because I felt being alone would lead to bad life choices, of the "get another tattoo" or "spend lots of money" or "do something day would violently react to" sort.

Add to that that I've been trying to figure out my schedule for fall semester and have somehow convinced myself that I'm going to fail and lose everything I've ever loved. It's not rational, but there it is. Building off of this is that the jerk from my project group, the one whose not shown up in Calc for 3 days now, was my partner for a worksheet we had to do, which was frustrating and left me with the desire to strangle someone that was not improved upon by my other classes.

So I think i'll be playing a lot of video games after dinner.
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Oh, hun *hugs you tight* I'm sorry things haven't been so good, but I'm so glad you knew what you were up against, and knew that some solutions to the problems were not helpful to you. Playing video games hopefully helped alleviate the symptoms at least a bit.

I have a bad habit of eating when I'm sad, not always a good choice, but sometimes you go with what gives immediate relief, so you have the strength to deal with things in the long run. However it's important to know that letting your emotions guide you're actions isn't always the best choice. I'm so proud of you for making the choice not to get a tattoo, or doing something just to piss someone off. You need to do things for yourself, not to evoke reactions in others.

Not being alone, or just being outside of your usual surroundings, is good. Even if you just go out for a coffee, and sit there surrounded by other living things, you get a better perspective on things than being alone. I wish I could be there to take you out for that coffee, but know that you are in my thoughts *more hugs*
I know, sometimes it takes all your energy just to get out of bed. But I also know you'll make it through. And you've come so far already, don't let minor setbacks discourage you.

❀ ✿ ❁ ❀ ✿ ❁ ❀ ✿ ❁ ❀

They are so discouraging though. All I know is that I'm working on this program and it's just not working and i feel like a failure and... yeah. It's not good.
You are not a failure, no way, and I will tell you that as many times as needed. Just hang in there my friend, things will start feeling better eventually.
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