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Tetering

I feel like I'm on the edge of something.


Don't ask me what - I haven't the slightest clue. All I know is that school is, for the moment, going well, and that work is, for the moment, going well (when it's not boring as hell), and that I've made quite a few (I hesitate to use the word) friends at work. One of them, C, has even asked me to read over the first chapter of the book he's writing, and we get along well enough that if pressed I'd say he's probably the best male friend I've ever had. (Though that's not saying much.)

And yet the feeling remains. I can't place it. All I know is that just over 6 months ago I was moved into SEPs and, come the end of this month, I'll have been out of the Navy for that same amount of time - fully 3x as long as I was actually in it. That I'll have had m current job for 2x as long as I had that one.

Half of me thinks it's fear - nothing ever goes this well. There has to be a catch. I'm due to fail any day now.

The other half of me thinks this could really be it. That this could really be the new start. That things can only get better from here. It even dares to imagine how that would go.

I'm excited. And I'm afraid. And I worry that if it all goes wrong again, I'll not be able to pull myself out of the hole it will throw me into. But I hope... And hope is dangerous.
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BB, I know how you feel, like it's sort of hanging over your head, right? I felt like that until I got this job and managed to convince myself it really would last. It's hard to stop feeling like it's a step away from falling apart again. Keep at it, and we've got you.
That's just it - my job is going really well. School's going well. I have no reason to think it's going to end badly, and yet....

IDK bb. It's all crazy.
That's what makes it so hard, I think, because you're waiting for what you know is a good thing to go bad.

Just keep fighting that feeling, I guess.
After all the difficulties you have been though over the last few years, I know you deserve and are due something good.

I know you still have familial problems but you have just started school again and you have a job, even if everything isn't as ideal as you would like and you are making friends. I see that things are starting to turn better for you. This could be as you say a sign of a fresh start and this restless uneasy feeling is just your doubt because of all your previous knock backs.

You are a good person and a good friend. Look to the future and never lose hope, you can make anything happen. Hope and dreams can be good things. Do not despair.

Sorry I probably sound like a horoscope there

Edited at 2013-09-09 10:47 am (UTC)
Very true. I try to take things one day at a time, but I'm at that point where I want to *start* making plans, and that's dangerous because I know that's where it all goes wrong...
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