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Metabolism

...as in, I think I've seriously fucked mine up.



For those of you just joining the program, I signed my contract to enter the Navy in April 2012. I spent the time period immediately following my cholecystectomy in September 2011 until this point trying to get into it, and the time from that point until I shipped out in February of this year trying ot make sure my weight was under the max. So it's safe to say, for 18+ months, I was on the world's most insane diet.

This is to say, that for almost every day during this period, I worked out 1-3 hours a day. My meals consisted of SlimFast bars or drinks and a 6" Subway sandwich - again, almost every day for that entire time. In the last 5 months before hand, the workouts were consistently 3+ hours a day and the calories even less. For the last 6 weeks, I worked out 6 hours a day and consumed less than 600 calories - and lost nearly 25 pounds is as many days.

A fight once broke out between me and my dad about eating a cookie at christmastime. To this day, I still can barely stand to be in the same room with him as I eat, and admittedly do my best to hide my eating habits from him.

There were days when I'd be so hungry that I'd go to McDonalds and grab a combo meal or the grocery store and get a pint of ice cream and eat it all in a terribly short amount of time, and then feel so guilty about it I'd make myself throw up the entire meal. Something I'm not sure I'd have done if not for the pressure exerted on my to finally get in the Navy and my Dad telling me to do whatever it takes to get in - up to and including a finger down my throat, in those very words, so long as my mother never found out.

I stopped caring about what I ate after they separated me. I tried to eat normally after I got out, but for nearly a month afterwords I swear I ate everything in sight. And I can sit down to a meal even now, feel stuffed to the brim from eating half of it, and be starving an hour later. Today - in the incident that brought it on - I became ravenous in the middle of my physics lab despite already having eaten and actually had to stop on my way home at four pm to get something to eat, and immediately started making dinner when I got home. I'll go finish making it when I'm done with this.

My point being, I've gained back about half the weight I lost. But my metabolism remains wonky. I can be hungry all day at times, unable to eat at all at others, or, like today not notice how hungry I am because I'm so used to being hungry. And this from a relatively well-off American. Even thinking about what it must be like at times for those less privileged than I hurts to think about.

All I can say is, at least I'm happy with who I am, because I am never, ever, dieting again.
  • 2 comments
Dieting takes a willpower I just don't have, I think. (Unless I was under threat of death). I hope everything gets worked out for you, though!
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