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Some Self-Involved Ranting

I think the universe wants me to suffer.

This is not a facetious comment. It genuinely hates me and wants me to suffer. Yesterday was - well, not wonderful, but pretty good; work went well and I got 1k of wonderfullness written - but the universe must have decided I was getting complacent, because went I went down to buy a trailor today - after driving 2.5 hours to get there - i was basically told I had too "limited" a credit history for the banks to lend to me.

I bought my car brand new and paid it off in 9months. I've a near perfect credit score, the likes of which the place double checked because they thought there must have been confusion. I was willing to pay 10% down. And yet I can't get a loan because nobody takes me seriously. Or the universe hates me. Or both. Or one because of the other.

It's not the end of the world. I know it's not. I can wait a little while and go back with more money and get something better. And living in the garage isn't that bad, even if I have to go all the way across the house to use the bathroom and have to fight the cats for sitting space sometimes. I'm making decent money, if not brilliant money. I can live off of it. I can live like this.

But there are moments when it all seems like too much. I've always had moments like this, and usually my "game" of listing all the things I have to look forward to are enough, but, god, that list gets shorter every time. Pretty much the extent of my list at the moment is SPN S9, a possible 3rd AOS Star Trek movie, and Appalachian in the fall - and even then I'm still worried its all going to crash and burn around me again. Like it always does.


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